Are you engaged? Married? Wondering if you should combine your finances during marriage? What are the pros and cons of a combined financial plan? Let’s explore this topic and figure out why you should or should not combine your finances when you’re married.
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Two Arguments on Combining Finances After Marriage
Everyone I’ve met with when talking about this topic has always been passionately on one side of the argument or the other. People a lot of different feelings when it comes to this debate, and I’m going to try and be as objective as possible and then propose the best course of action.
Argument 1: Combining Money During Marriage is Important
For Christians and non-Christians alike, combining finances after marriage can do a number of important things for the relationship.
One of the most important changes it makes is that it creates an environment that fosters trust. Trust is a vital element in any marriage. Without trust, marriages cannot last.
When you share the same bank accounts, agree on a budget, and review each other’s transactions, you’ll know where you’re both headed financially which will give you a greater sense of security. Transparency in a married couple’s finances allows both parties to see the trajectory of their financial situation, allowing a greater degree of planning to take place that leads to a more secure future.
It is also argued that combining finances allows greater degrees of simplicity. By not having to deal with multiple bank accounts, couples can more easily track their financial situation. Money doesn’t have to be transferred between separate accounts, and both individuals have equal access to all the funds.
Christians believe that when a man and a woman marry, they are becoming one unit. This sense of unity extends to every aspect of life, including finances. As it says in the Book of Genesis:
That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. – Genesis 2:24 NIV (emphasis added)
Argument 2: Combining Money During Marriage is Unnecessary or Unwise in Certain Circumstances
There are those married couples who keep their finances separate. Here are some of their reasons for doing so.
Some couples feel that the money they earn individually should be their own separate money because they earned it individually. They point to personal responsibility and believe that individuals should be self-sufficient and not dependent on their spouse for anything.
Other couples keep their money separate simply because it is what they are accustomed to doing. They started off single, and never took action to combine their finances. For them, it was merely natural to keep individual bank accounts and continue how they were living when they were not married: separate financial lives.
One reason why some couple keep their finances separate is because they have a general distrust of their spouse. Perhaps their marriage is struggling and separation or divorce is immanent. To protect their financial well-being, one spouse might wisely take half of their savings into a separate account to ensure the overspending and abusive spouse doesn’t keep all the money for themselves.
There are married couples who have been previously married and combining finances will be more difficult for them due to previous bad experiences. When this occurs, both the husband and wife have to be careful in how they handle combining their finances.
How to Talk to Your Spouse about Combining Finances
Talking with your spouse about money is certainly one of the most difficult conversations. If you’ve never really discussed money with your spouse-to-be (or spouse), here are some tactics you can use to make it easier.
First, decide which argument above you agree with more. Every married couple is different, but in my estimation most couples should combine their finances except in certain extreme situations. Let’s say you’d like to combine your finances with your spouse but aren’t sure how to go about the discussion. What do you do?
1. Start the conversation with your vision of a better life.
The conversation might start with something like this:
Honey, down the road I want to be able to [fill in the blank with your financial ambitions such as buying a house or retiring early so that you can spend more time with each other]. In order to do these things, I think it would be helpful if we combined our finances. The reason why is that [fill in the blank with your own reasons]. I’d love to continue this conversation with you to figure out a way to strengthen our marriage in this area. I love you lots and want the best for our relationship and future!
Now, whatever you do, don’t memorize a script! Simply think a little bit about what you are going to say and your main points.
2. Continue the conversation periodically to show you value this change.
If your spouse is reluctant to combine finances, you may need to give them some time. Bring it up periodically and remember to stick with your vision of a better future.
Marriage counseling might be required if you feel you’ve hit a dead end in the conversation and it’s becoming a point of contention. Communicate with your spouse gracefully and understand that change is always difficult – especially if it’s not their idea in the first place!
3. When you gain agreement, talk about the specifics.
Once you are both on the same page, talk about how you are specifically going to combine finances. What bank accounts are you going to combine? How will you both make sure you don’t overdraft the joint checking account? What will your budget look like? How much fun money (money spent freely by each spouse without discussion) will you each have? These are all important questions and you should figure out the specifics so you can act on your new plan!
Do you believe you should combine finances after marriage? How do you handle the finances in your household? Leave a comment below and let’s get the conversation started!
My wife and I combined our finances immediately. It was a bit of a pain to close accounts and get automated bill payments canceled and such but it was all worth it in the end.
As a financial coach I’ve NEVER seen more difficult situations than when two people have been basically living independently of each other. There are huge amounts of distrust and hurt feelings when spouses manage their money separately.
However, combining finances can be a challenge for some especially if you’re not on the same page. With that said, it allows for a greater relationship as you’re forced to talk about finances and work together.
My wife and I settled on a hybrid method. We have our joint account and then we each have a monthly spending ‘allowance’ that we can spend however we want. It works quite well.
We combined our finances right away and had planned for it because of some pre-marriage counseling we had taken through our church. They counseled us to talk about money before we got married and to agree on how things were going to work. We combined bank accounts, bills, and what little debt we still had. What was hers became mine and vice versa.
So now all of our monthly bills and spending come out of one main account, and we both have allocated “blow money” that we can spend outside of the budget that is agreed upon. Otherwise, everything is together, and in my opinion, it creates more unity in the marriage.
Not married, but if that does happen. I’d like to combine finances.
I’ve seen many couples get to a point of impasse regarding separate/combined finances when one person tries to convince their new spouse that the best reason to do it “their” way is because that’s the way “their” parents/grandparents/family has always done it that way.
This causes the other person to become defensive about how “their” relatives or experience differs. Don’t worry about how others do something- find your own way.
It’s important to have several reasons and defined goals to support your preference and to be willing to discuss each of them- together- one by one in detail without getting upset or impatient.
The hubby and I have been married 30+ years. We combined our money from the get go. It helps that I wanted to manage the bill payment etc. and he didn’t. It also helps that when I pay bills, balance the checkbook, review bills, etc. I always provide him a brief verbal report. It also helps that we talk before either of us makes major purchases with our money (or credit cards). Like others have pointed out, the key when it comes to money and every other part of marriage is good communication. Whatever method works for a couple works better when there are no misunderstandings.
Who pays for what has never been an issue in our household.
We have separate accounts because it is easier to track exactly how much money you have at a given time.
To each their own I suppose.
I don’t see the point in combining finances as most of the posters above have said. To me, just because you get married doesn’t mean you should automatically take over the other person’s debts and or pay jointly from one account. What’s so wrong about managing your own account and splitting major purchases? Whether it’s 50/50 60/40 70/30 etc, I think that’s what should be discussed more than lumping everything into one account.
Personally for me it doesn’t bother me if my wife spend X number of dollars at the store for this or that when she has her own account. The same goes for me and my account. We both are putting a large amount back for our savings and while combining accounts might be “easier” for some to manage their money, I have no problem managing my accounts and enjoy the aspect of being able to freely buy what I need without worrying if I’m spending too much, which would be the scenario if it was a joint account.
As far as the notion that everything is everyone’s in a marriage, I’m sorry but I don’t buy that. Having separate account to me is not only wise, but helps to keep some level of self independence in the relationship.
Maybe I perceive marriage differently than most, but I have no issues with not having our money combined. When it comes to major purchases, trips etc, we share those costs. Money is obviously a big issue in a marriage and I can see how it’s easier for some to combine their finances, but for me I enjoy managing my own money and my wife has plenty of income from her job, so that our individual accounts are never near empty.
I can imagine if one spouse was a stay at home parent or was not working that the would drive you more towards joint accounts, but how do people with joint account deal with someone who is always spending more than the other spouse? How is that not a point of contention if one spouse is always spending $500 more a month than the other spouse? I’m sure there are plus and minuses for both joint and individual accounts but I can never see myself with a joint account where most of our finances are.
The idea is that once you’re married you are an interdependent unit. Joining accounts and viewing all money as “our” money is part of that – along with the spiritual, social, familial, sexual, and domestic aspects of one-ness. How can you effectively work toward your goals together if you don’t view all your money as “ours”? Do you just have separate long-term goals? How do you decide what split ratio is “fair”?
I think having joint accounts improves our communication and helps keep us accountable in our spending priorities. I know there are some couples where a spender has married a saver and I’m sure that does cause conflict – personally my husband and I are both savers and we don’t even add up who is spending more so it’s not a source of conflict in our marriage.
I’m actually writing a series on joint and separate money over on my blog that you might enjoy.
What would you suggest for the case of a widow or widower getting re-married? In some cases she or he brings quite a nest egg to the table, in others she’s/he’s quite destitute. But there are often adult children to consider and their opinions and protective interests. Also, there are not only the feelings of the widow–which she/he sometimes feels like it’s “blood money.” But it might also be wise on their part to have a pre-nuptual drawn up. It’s not a simple trust vs. don’t trust issue for widows and widowers for in later years you’re looking at retirement, pensions and healthcare; and for younger widows and widowers there are children’s futures to consider. I’d love to hear some feedback on this.
My wife and I tried combining finances for the first 20 plus years of our marriage. It did not work. I strongly disagree with this article. A MUCH better model for us has been for each of us to agree on what bills each of us will be responsible for, and then each of us manages the money we earn to pay those bills. For example, in our case, my wife is responsible for food, her medical bills, her gas, presents she wants to buy. I’m responsible for everything else – mortgage, car purchases and repairs, property tax, vacations, and so on. The advantage of this system is that it makes both parties responsible, each according to their ability. Both parties have to act like adults. We would be much farther ahead in our lives if we had gone to this system years ago.
My husband and I take more of a “hybrid” approach. He is not very gifted at handling finances, so he regulates that to me. I have a personal account as is required through my school to receive tuition refunds.- That one is just that, mostly savings for emergencies and we decide together on big expenses.
He gets paid weekly and I get paid monthly (both via direct deposit), as of now the accounts are all in my name ( he does have a debit card on the accounts), but his social security number is too new to have his own account yet. (He moved herre from the UK 18 months ago), and got his green card a year ago. He has to have an established social security # for 2 years to open an account.
However, even though I manage the finances– We sit down together every week and determine our income, our expenses and budget together. At any given time, either of us knows right where we are. We each have a set amount of “fun” money without discussion. The general rule we have gone by is that anything over $20, we discuss together.
our system works well for us, and honestly have never once fought about finances in 4 years of marriage.
I might add that since I am paid monthly, my check is the biggest- so ALL the bills come out of it. His check is used for groceries and misc expenses+ savings.