Some couples combine their money while others choose to keep their money separate.
Perhaps both couples were earning and managing money individually before they got married, so why not continue doing it that way once you’re married? It’s the easy thing to do, right?
Of course there is always the discussion about who will pay what when your shared bills arrive in the mail.
And if you get a new car, who’s name goes on the car title? Keep financial matters separate, right? Nah, you don’ want to do that. Dividing up your finances and claiming territory leads to communication challenges, individualism in your marriage (in a bad way) and developing the wrong perspective about money.
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Communication Challenges
Oh yeah, we’ll each pay our own bills and have our own spending money. But when big financial decisions need to be made who is going to handle what? I’m talking about that big unexpected expense or emergency that occurs.
Bill, do you have enough money in your savings to cover this one. No, Jane, I spent every bit of it this summer on entertainment and my new super gadget.
What about you, Jane? Well, I needed a new wardrobe for work. I know it’s important to save, but I just needed my new clothes. What? You mean neither of us have an emergency savings account between the two of us? Geez.
So, you get the picture. You want to avoid arguing about money. If you’re not talking about your money then you’re in separate worlds and you definitely can’t hold one another accountable for wise financial decisions.
Individualism
So we all know that marriage is about becoming one, right?
You leave mom and dad, meet the love of your life and decide to tie the knot for the rest of your life.
You’re no longer dating, you’re married.
When she is upset about something, you’re upset about it too. When you leave the house, you have to tell your honey where you’re going. Yes, you’re one. You’re in lock-step, well, at least you’re supposed to try to be as much as possible.
Men and women are no doubt different and that is what makes relationships so great. But you shouldn’t manage your affairs as individuals and this certainly includes money dealings. Come on! Are you going to fix your own dinner each night? Which affairs will be together and which will be separate? Nah, just become one in your marriage and work through it all together! It’s a lot more fun that way.
Perspective
Ah, the perspective on money management. Common perspective says money is our money and we can do with it what we please. But the Christian knows that’s not true.
Our money, is really the money God has entrusted to our care. It’s all His money. But when you’re in a relationship and you start drawing lines between his and hers; you’re already creating an atmosphere counter to Godly principles on money. Rather, the perspective should be on God’s economy and managing together what you’ve have been blessed with in your marriage.
You know, it’s not easy keeping the right perspective on money. Money is powerful and it takes accountability and help. Who better than your spouse to be there for you when your selfish tendencies start to take over.
Final Thoughts
Alright, just put your money together and be done with this. What do you have to lose?
Oh, he or she is going to go out and spend it all? Sit down with a cup of coffee, tea, or whatever once a week have a money meeting and talk about your money. Talk about it over a spending plan you both create together. You’ll learn you get to experience more joy and develop a deeper bond in your marriage when you can manage your finances together.
Nothing will be more pleasing to God and your sex life will be better too. Yeah, I said that. Personal finance, if done right and together, can deepen your relationship on many levels. :)
So, reader are you convinced married couples shouldn’t divide their money?
All of our money goes into one big pot. We only divide it into Savings, Retirement, Emergency, etc. ;) We’re pretty good about consulting each other on large purchases, and making most money decisions together.
It always amazes me when I hear that couples still have seperate checking accounts. How do they divide up who pays for what? Does one person pay the mortgage while the other pays the utility bills?
There is a married couple in my family who has seperate accounts and they way that they worked it was they took the percentage that they make and they then paid that percentage of the bills. So, if their total income was $100,000 a year, and the wife made 40% of the money, then she would pay 40% of the bills every month. To me this just seems so ridiculous and as if they are not living as a true married couple.
Even though my husband has always made more money than me, it has always been what is mine is yours and what is yours is mine.
I think that they should have like a central bank account where the bulk of their earnings go and separate accounts where like 5% should go so that each one can have a little pocket change to use up from time to time. But total financial transparency should be paramount; not like those couples i read about having millions in investments that their partners do not know about. If this is the case, then it means that they have bigger trust issues that should be solved before they get to proportions so gargantuan that no one can solve then. BTW that is a nice image you have used for the post :)
I’m just got engaged (yay!) and I couldn’t imagine doing it any other way.
If marriage is just a business deal, then, sure, maybe it makes sense to hedge your bets. But if it’s a true, 100% “twain shall be one” (which I believe it is), then I, personally, think combining money is a key part of that.
While I agree in principle, sometimes the best think for the marriage is a separation of finances. When one member of the couple is a spender and one is a saver the best thing may just be a separation of funds.
There are joint expenses that must be paid such as house payments, utility bills, and groceries. But when a couple agrees that they have different financial goals and practices in mind the funds beyond the basics can be what leads to strife in the marriage.
My husband and I have worked out and equitable arrangement of who pays what. He pays the house, utilities, maintenance. I pay the car insurance groceries, cell phone, etc. Beyond that we save or spend our individual money as we desire. If one of us wants a night out they agree it is their tab to pay. We each pay for our own car, for example, and therefore the car we chose must fit within our individual budget.
We are, however, not confined to our specific responsibilities. There are times when we each step out and offer to help with the others expenses, either necessary or desired.
This policy has enabled us to avoid the “where are you spending my money” arguments. At the same time we have both remained flexible and generous. I don’t know how it would work for everyone else, but it has been a marriage saver for us.
Interesting perspective, Theresa. It sounds like you and your husband get along quite well in your situation. I’m obviously in disagreement with the approach, but appreciate your comment and respect your opinion. :) I believe money and all matters should be brought under one roof. I couldn’t imagine not sharing financial goals with my wife. I’m curious…have you ever tried to combine them together. Perhaps two is better than one and you could both work together to achieving your goals. Just curious.
Actually, my husband and I have separate accounts. He pays all of the living expenses (rent, utilities, food, taxes, etc) and my paycheck goes to paying off debt and savings. This way, we’re used to living on his income while eliminating debt. Once we have children (hopefully debt freedom comes first!), I’ll quit work and we’ll live exclusively on his income. We never argue about money and each give the other whatever is needed when asked. I realize this may not be what works for everyone, but it totally works for us ;)
If the “money talk” has been had, and both are in agreement of sorts, then go ahead and put it together. Otherwise, not in a million years. Money can tear a marriage apart (this comes from experience) and you can also lose alot of it, depending on your situation.
Sharing money gives your spouse carte blanche to go nuts with it, and by the time you put a stop to it, it could be too late.
When it comes to money, don’t let love blind you!
David, that’s why I think a money marriage seminar or class is a great idea before heading into this big life step. Yes, money can tear a marriage apart and it’s important to get off to the right start. But..It’s never too late to start if a couple hasn’t taken a class together. I don’t think sharing gives anyone the right to go spending crazy. There is a mutual respect one has to have for the relationship as well live up to one’s responsiblities of financial stewardship. That sort of behaviour is destructive to a relationship and would probably warrant marital counseling if not resolved.
I agree wholeheartly that sharing as in a joint account can punish an honest spouse. I would never do that again.
Having a joint checking account shows trust in the relationship. Each person can still maintain their own savings or credit card, but the burden of finance has too much affect on a marriage to be unequally divided.
While my wife and I have joint accounts, I can understand why it may not work for everyone. You really have to be on the same page with your financial goals in order to have joint accounts. If the two parties are not on the same page, and don’t have the same goals then they should not join their accounts.
My husband and I have two separate bank accounts and divide everything into two, like roommates do. When the bills are ready to be paid, everybill gets 50% from my account and 50% from his account. In the article it states people would argue about it, not so, the bills need to get paid and everything we own we own together, including bills. We have been together 11 years and there has never been any arguments about money and if I buy myself something or he buys himself something that is ok because it came out of our personal accounts, we of course keep in mind that at the end of the month the bills come and there is no excuse.
I agree with KT in that couples should have both shared and separate accounts. It is nice to be able to have some financial freedom for your partner for personal spending (for example, I wouldn’t want my significant other to know about every single time I buy a pair of shoes). On the other hand, it is quite reasonable to have a combined account to pay the bills.
I guess it works for some people, but I don’t really understand why you’d want to divide your money. It’s just so much simpler to throw it all in one pot.
On the other hand, I’m a big proponent of setting aside some cash for “personal” use so neither spouse feels like they’re somehow over-controlled by the other. It works wonders.
I agree with having personal money too. We each have $50-100 in “blow money” that we can just spend on whatever we want no questions asked. It does help you to feel less like you’re being controlled or something along those lines.
If you don’t want to remain married for long then by all means, keep your money separate.
Once you marry it’s no longer her money or his money. It’s “our” money. Actually, it’s God’s money.. so make sure what you’re doing with the money is what God wants…
Some people are selfish and will only do what they want.
I have found that usually the spouse who makes the least has no problem with the ‘put all the money in one pot’ approach. Tried with the first marriage; yes we communicated about the money, set guidelines and had goals. Unfortunately my ‘other half’ decided that none of what we had communicated about mattered, and what did matter was material items that he could purchase with my hard earned money. I will not make that mistake again, and would hope no one else does either. It is unfortunate, but yes there are schmucks out there looking for a free ride.
Also, it seems that when the woman in the relationship makes more money, and contributes more, it tends to be emasculating to the man, completely unintentional. My vote is for separate finances.
I have to agree with Karla. I am getting married in November and my fiance and I have both decided that we will put what we need to pay the bills each month into a joint checking account. We will also still have a personal checking account, and set goals for our individual savings account.
Is there a reason you don’t want to have joint accounts, and why you’d prefer to have individual accounts and savings goals when you get married? I’m just curious – when I talk to most people, they want to do it that way just because they’re used to it, or they prefer maintaining control over some of the money – or for some because it’s difficult to get used to the idea of becoming one in marriage..
I think it’s more about financial independence. Even though we are both extremely good with money, we don’t ever want to be concerned about why one person spent money on this or that. That can cause major problems in a relationship. We both work hard for our money, and we think it’s fair enough to each have a savings goal, and work towards reaching that in individual accounts.
I totally agree Chrissy. I don’t see the big need or rush to combine finances. A joint account for bills would be fine for me, but an all in combined account is not something that would ever work for me. Your approach is exactly how I think.
Great post! Really good insight. It’s always difficult to discuss finances and share money in relationships. Thanks for your advice.
Hi. I recently got married (not my first marriage). I have one child. He has moved out of the home and is on his own, but I would like to help him every once in awhile with very small amounts (like giving him $175 every 6 months for a golf tournament or something). My husband has custody of his two kids, which gets expensive. For example, we just bought his 16 year old daughter a car for $4000 and spent $2000 on her cheerleading. I don’t have a problem with any of this because I feel my money and his money are one now that we are married. However, he is very frugile and seems to be upset every time I spend on hair, nails, clothing, make-up, (all the necessities that women need and men don’t!). This is what I have a problem with. How does someone determine what is fair for “spending” money? While I spend a lot of money on getting my hair and nails done, (in my mind which is basically maintaining my beauty), this is very costly. However, he has two kids to provide for. Somehow I feel guilty every time I spend on those items for myself, because he doesn’t spend the same money on himself, and I’m just really not sure how to deal with all this. Does anyone have advice for that?
Hello Allison,
I hear you but his children from his previous partner is the responsibility of him and the mother of those children but I do here the compassion in your heart. So are you saying that you help yours and he helps his with the family money? if so then maybe you two can agree on how to best help the minors and what assistance you can do for the older children (you two will pay like a percentage of the golf fee’s and the ex’s can pay the rest but make sure it’s within the budget after everything is paid for).
Another thing you two can do is sit up a emergency fund to cover some future expenses let say $100 a week or a month so when the need arises you can then give what you have in that fund and if it covers it all great if not maybe they should come up with the rest (them or the other parent). But please agree on it and stick with it and don’t let it come between your marriage.
As far as the nails and hair go tell him this “HONEY I AM DOING IT FOR YOU AND ONLY YOU – SO THAT I CAN BE SEEN WITH SUCH A HANSOME GUY – His ego will either go thru the roof or he may tell you exactly what he likes (his input will make this expense well worth it) give him a little room for input because a lot of men have no ideal how much it cost a women to maintain herself for her man or the time it takes to beautify that temple.
Please pray about all that was written by me and let the holy spirit give you the path to follow
Peace in HIM
I am facing this RIGHT NOW have been married for 20 years and all my accounts and business accounts have/had my wife name on them but when we had to close(2002) the first business after 11 years and seek a chapter 13 to pay everyone back (paid in full 2006) she has been bitter since than and she now keeps all of her money and finances totally hidden from me including her employment contract value. I only know what she makes when its tax time and I go and see our same accountant we have had since 2000(of course I pay for it all because I’m suppose to be the man in the family quote from her).
She recently said she had enough of me not bringing in enough money to pay the bills on-time (sometimes) so she moved out and got HER OWN PLACE because she told me she has her own money (that’s possible because I take care of the kids and them getting to and from schools and still run our little company and come home because she stayed after work) to afford her the right to work (7:00am to 3:00pm she sub. teaches) I told the person who was counseling us that we should have everything together like I have had it for years and she said NO it gives her security knowing she has money to take care of her if I am not providing.
PLEASE FOR ANYONE READING THIS DO IT AS COMMANDED BY THE LORD
THE TWO SHALL NOW BE ONE – NOT MINE – BUT OURS
p.s. my brother wife passed away after 27 years of marriage and they had everything together in one account then a fun money account for each person to just get things for themselves. (they would take each $50 a week and put it in there funny money account) but bills and big purchases came out of one account and it did not make any difference how much or who put money in that account as long as it was there for it’s purpose. My brother and sister in law had so much more then others and it shows, we where they same way but now with the separate accounts and all IT IS A HOT BUTTON BUT THE FIRE HAS ALREADY CONSUMED MUCH OF THE BUILDING
Peace in HIM
My husband who is the one that works I have been a stay at home mom. But currently looking for another job is all of a sudden wanting seperate accounts he pays all the bills no communicating about them whatsoever and he will give me an allowance. I have 3 children . Children get allowances but not a 37 year wife of a 9 yr marriage. I am a firm believe when we became one that meant in all we are to be unified one equal. And he’s also been talking a lot about divorce , so I feel he one foot out the door and if he does divorce me until its final what’s mine is his and what’s his is mine . I’m scared that’s what he’s trying to do and it also scares me that my husband that is supposed to be leading our family never tithes and prioritys are wrong cell phone will be paid before car payment car ins before car payment someone please give me some advice
here is what I believe , I believe that if a spouse has personal property or a business before marriage. They should keep it personal and not join it.when they marry, I also feel spouses should have a joint checking account and put income they earn during the marriage in the joint checking account. and take out a amount of money they want to spend on themselves. I do believe in unity, but I also believe in wisdom do to the fact sometimes spouses change,what iif that husband drains the account?, what happens if the husband becomes abusive and the wife has to leave?.if he drains the bank account she can’t leave.wives go to elders about being abused and sometimes they’re encouraged to stay in the marriage they don’t always believe the woman or accuse them of lying or encourage them to say nothing, and
sometimes you have to do more than just pray, God gives us wisdom, it is unwise just have a joint banking account, and I don’t believe in a wife not making income. but I do believe in having both joint and separate checking accouns this is only because of concerns listed above, the bible even talks about having wisdom. sometimes the abuser is a pastor abusing his wife or children sometimes they’re even bishops or deacons that are the abusers and his family and friends don’t want to believe or they care more about the family name or the reputation of the church.and I believe in splurging , if there’s more than enough money as long as you are on a budget. and all bills are paid.